I have no idea as to how diligent I will be with posting on this blog. I have no idea even why I am doing this. All I know is that I am very frustrated with life right now, and wish to vent without seeing anyone's reactions.
I feel confused, and alone. I wish to follow God, but I do not know how. I am Catholic, and yet I am not. I am part of my family, and yet I do not feel like I belong to my family. I have all of these thoughts and feelings that I do not know what to do with. I wish to move out of my house, and find other like-minded believers, and yet, I don't even know what I believe!
I want to be part of a relationship, and yet, I feel as if God wants me to wait. That and, no one is interested in me. I wish that someone could just convince me that their way is right, and then be done with it! Why do I keep on torturing myself on these matters? Why can't I just bow my head in submission, and say "Yes sir," or "Yes mam," and be confident with that decision?
God must have a plan. I keep on telling myself that over and over again. He must have a plan. HE MUST! ....right?
Life can be frustrating. So many times. But YHWH wants us to trust Him, all the time. :)
ReplyDeleteI struggled for so long with the nothingness of life until I realized that YHWH wanted me to give my all, my 100%, into a relationship with Him!
Have you really thought about what a relationship with the Creator means, Jessica? :) Have you thought about why Yahweh might want you to wait? Maybe He wants you to learn how to have a thriving, blossoming relationship with Him before you ever even think about pursuing one with a young man! Ponder on those things and dive deep into His word. :) Get to know Him! Just like He knows your likes and dislikes and the things that make you happy, you need to, in return, find out those things about Him! It's all in the Scriptures! :)
Be blessed sister, and keep waiting upon the LORD!
In Christ,
~Jamie
I don't think you would understand how much your comment meant to me. I really did think and pray on what you said, and I think I learned a valuable lesson from the Lord. Perhaps this blogging may be an answer from God. He provides in ways in which I'd never imagined he would!
ReplyDeleteHello Jessica!
ReplyDeleteIt is courageous to admit where you stand and what you can´t believe...like you did. (I´m from Germany.) I believed that God must exist since I was about 7yrs old. My parents didn´t (don´t) believe. When I was 16 my teacher invited me to the church where he was the pastor. But I was afraid what my mother could say when she - probably - would see the other believers. They were different, not so "intellectual", friendly... I didn´t go there again, though I knew, deep inside, they are on God´s way. From that moment on my life was like a stone, falling from a mountain. I was 20 and almost ended up my life when I sat there, watching God´s word and suddenly knew: This IS GOD´s WORD, it is true. All the love my teacher had had for Jesus AND His Word touched my heart more than his (good) explanations. I already knew that the sabbath was God´s Day - and even the pope says, whoever wants to believe ONLY in the bible should keep the seventh day. Then I was baptized. I did not do some things that were in my heart (headcovering, wearing skirts or keep the sabbath - not really- ) because of many voices - from my parents, my bros and sis. at church...It took me a long time to get rid off fear of men. I am not so completely free, but now I do the thing I got from God through his word and some dreams according to his word.
The berean people Acts 17 studied the word of God (Old Test.) to see if Paul was right. So: the only thing you and me have to do is: know His will. And obey God more than men. Act 5.29
(german verses may vary)
You are a precious perl for Him. Jesus payed the prize, you know.
AND: : He promised us something Deut. : Whoever follows Him - He (must) bless him, because He promised. And even in the "dark" you will know, that this place is the right place for a while until He leads you to the light again.
Bye